Well, it has been a while...

Yip, I've been slack again.

However, during this 'slack' time, I've completed two papers (A and B+), started 3 more, had a very sick baby (twice - once hospitalised with Rotavirus, then 6 weeks later he gets a notifiable bacteria called Yersinia), Lochlan was granted a trial insulin pump (which we are still on, awaiting funding application - $7500 is a little more than we have!!!!!), Connor is starting to talk, and we also recently found out that we're going to be grandparents (stay tuned for an update at 6pm).

So. All that aside, this is a 'run that by me again' post - a collection of beauts that have come out of either Satan incarnate, or the eldest male spawn of previously mentioned Satan. (Love you Richard...)

Without further ado :

Beauts from a 3 year old -

I went in to test him a few nights ago, and it came out at 3.3 (which is low). I thought I had squeezed, so sent Richard in - nope 3.4. So we feed him some sugar (which he hates... LOL), and waited the required 10 minutes until we could test again. (He was still awake the entire time too) I went in to test, and was greeted with -

"Your turn again huh?"

Just the way he said it, had me cracking up for ages.



The other night, Richard downloaded the trial for the second game in the series that he plays with Lochlan. They both just call this game 'Russians' (See earlier blog post here for more WTF comments to do with this game). Anyway, Richard and Lochlan had a go, and because Richard didn't know the game very well, he got shot and died. They left the game to do something, and then came back to the computer. Lochlan wants to play Russians 1, Richard wants to play Russians 2. Lochlan doesn't like it when Richard gets killed, because it means the end of the game, and bedtime usually. So they're arguing over which game to play.

Lochlan - "I want that one." (Pointing to Russians 1)

Richard - "But I want to try the new one again."

"But you die in that one Daddy!"

"Have a *little* faith in Daddy..."

"No. Lets play this one"

Love his faith in his father! :)



Last night, I went in to test Lochlan. It must of been 9:30pm, or around there anyway.

Sneak into his room.

He sits up, and looks at me. Wide awake.

"What are you still doing awake??"

"I'm not awake Mummy - I'm sleeping really!"



Had to go and show the preschool how to use the insulin pump that is now attached to Lochlan 24/7. Arrived there, watched the kids have morning tea, showed them, then went to leave. Lochlan decides he's going to be clingy. *sigh* Not good.

Luckily, one of the teachers sees this, and tries distracting him. Apparently they have a large 'car' outside, and Lochlan should go and drive it.

Lochlan gets asked how he drives, and mutters something about being a good driver, not a crazy driver.

So I have to ask -

"Is Mummy a crazy driver?"

"No, Mummy is a good driver. Mummy isn't a crazy driver"

So that leads to the next question...

"Is Daddy a good driver too?"

"NO!! Daddy is a CRAZY driver!"

...I think I need to talk with Daddy about this...



And a real beaut from Richard - 

Out of the 'I never thought I'd say that' files:

"Connor, don't feed the octopus into the printer."

Well, I suppose he's right...

We had a 'card to call' left at the house yesterday,  and Richard and I went and collected it this morning (thanks NZ Post - every other courier you can collect from that afternoon!).

It was his nice and shiny new chinese knock off phone. This thing is S-E-X-Y. Its basically a Samsung Galaxy Note, just doesn't have the 'Samsung' label attached. It comes from the same damn factory. It costs much less than the Samsung one. But anyway, this thing is soooooo sexy.

Of course, I wanted to play with it.

Richard said no.

I replied with 'you're not my friend!'

His reply?

No, I'm your husband.

*sigh*

Yes, I'd like a glass of vodka with that.

Richard and Lochlan have some 'Daddy and Son' bonding time playing a computer game.

I wish I could say it's a wholesome, child-friendly, 'G' rated game.

It's not.

In fact, it's a game where you have to go around killing Russian terrorists.

"Daddy? Can we play Russians?" Is a common question for Lochlan, aged 3. Bless his little cotton socks.

Anyway, they were playing the other night, and Richard shoots a guard.

Lochlan is sitting there, getting all excited.

Richard shoots another guard. Well, more accurately, throws a grenade over a wall, which then goes off and kills the guard, as well as smashing windows around the guard.

"Tinkle tinkle" goes the 3 year old.

Richard rounds the corner, shoots at another guard. The guard, after being shot with a jackhammer, understandably falls down dead.

"Why is he on the ground Daddy?" Lochlan questions the sniper that is his father.

"Because he's deadski" replies Richard.

"Deadski? What's deadski Daddy?"

"Well, it's like dead, but Russian."

Yip, after a comment like that, I wouldn't mind a stiff drink or two (no pun intended).

I have to take my husband everywhere twice -

The second time is to apologise!

We were at a birthday party on Saturday for one of Lochlans preschool friends who turned 4.

Of course, there were preschool kids there (funny that), and it was actually the son of one of the teachers, so all the kids at knew each other and the mum.

There was one little girl there, she's a little darling, I would kidnap her in an instant *grumble typical male gave me two sons grumble*.

Anyway, it was at the little boys grandmothers house, and all the kids were stuffing their faces full of cake, lollies etc, and the grandmother comes out and says -

"There is a pair of underwear in the hallway"

Richard, who was standing right next to her and the mother turns around and says -

"You didn't tell me it was that kind of party!"

Men!

(BTW, I know I'm slack, I will try to get more on here when I can, but please leave comments, I love to hear what you have to say about this, and the more comments I get, I might be more motivated and post more :) )

Oops, uh-oh, ah crap, and other assorted sayings.

Again, I've been slack.

So sue me.

Anyway, I've been meaning to post this one for a while now.

Richard has many 'sayings' that come out when he is trying to fix something. The reactions from me range from sighing, to ducking for cover.

While this isn't a complete list, it will give you some ideas on what life is like.

Oops - that shouldn't of happened
Uh-oh - that's going to leave a mark
Ah crap - I can't be f**ked fixing this
Oo bugger - I don't think it should be smoking like that
F**k - f**k
Hee hee - I've always wanted to do that
Hmmm - WTF am I looking at?
Maniacal laughter - Daddy told me it would explode if I did that
*pop* - *giggle*
*bang* - *snigger*
*BANG!!!* - refer to entry for 'f**k'
*tinkle tinkle* - refer to entry for 'maniacal laughter'
Dude, perhaps you should let me have a look at that - Dude, WTF were you thinking?
Bollocks - That's f**ked it (sometimes 'I've f**ked it')
Leave it with me - before you can f**k it any worse
Lets find you a cheap replacement - 'You eediot' (see attached url if you don't recognise it)

As I said, not all his sayings, but enough to keep me ducking for cover.

Oh really?

Lochlan and Richard were playing yesterday, and Richard came into the kitchen to get a drink.

Lochlan comes running up, and hands Richard an imaginary jellybean, and says 'here you go Daddy, this is for when you get low'.

(For those unaware, Lochlan has Type 1 diabetes, and we always have jellybeans on hand to boost his levels should they drop low - hypoglycaemia)

Richard says thank you to Lochlan, and then mutters something under his breath.

Knowing that I might regret it, I ask what he just said.

"I said, the lowest I ever got was marrying your mother."

I told him he was going home with a friend that was due to visit later that day.

So, I'm salad now am I?

Richard was feeling... amorous tonight.

Drags me into the bedroom. (Relax, this is going to stay G-rated, I promise)

He says - You have two options.

You can have the first nap. (we've been doing 3 am readings on Lochlan for nearly two months now, one of us stays up one night, the other the next.)

Or, you can be radished.

Radished? WTF?

His reply -

It's like being ravished, but hotter.


I'm choosing the nap! LOL

Alright, alright, I know I'm slack.

Not mentioning any names or anything. (JIM)

Ok, you'll need a bit of background for this post. We used to own a Lexus, which was a very very dark green. However, Richard always called it black. This caused many arguments with us. He'd normally be talking to someone, mention the car, then say 'it's black.' To which I used to reply 'GREEN'. 'Ah, whatever.' was the reply I would get.

Anyway, fast forward a few years to tonight. (Also, this is a Lochlan comment tonight. But I guess it shows what my life is going to be like!)

We're sitting at the gas station, waiting for Richard to pay for the gas. Lochlan is curious, (as are all three year olds, I guess), and has previously asked why we use the red gas, and not the black or the green. The only way I could think of explaining it to him (he was nearly 3 at the time) was to say that the black gas would make the car sick if we put it in. I told him we could use the green, but the red is the best for our car.

So we're sitting there tonight, and he says our car is black. It's not, it's green. (My thoughts - you've got to be bloody kidding me, not version 2.0 of this argument). He's adamant it is black. I kept saying, no , it's green. So I told him about the other car we used to own, how Daddy always said it was black, when in fact it was green.

Richard gets back in the car, we're still arguing, so I had to explain it to Richard. He turns around and says to Lochlan that they'll make up a new name for the colour on the car, and they'll call it 'Richard Black'.

Lochlan came out with a beaut of a reply.

'No Daddy, it's RICHARD GRAY!'

What can you say to that?